you’ve got mail.

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Dear Kristen,

If you are reading this letter, I’m pretty sure you are getting ready to celebrate the greatest, trillest holiday of the year. However, before you get to popping bottles and letting it all hang out, I feel there is something you need to know.

I’m pretty sure that you’ve gone through life with the biggest smile and laughter that will light up the room, at this point. I can envision you being a great leader and probably an influential person that people will come to meet over the years. Your character? You’re someone who believes in doing the right thing morally and ethically. You laugh in the face of danger. You are stubbornly aggressive in certain situations. You may even cry in the situations and it may feel as if no one can hear you. However, I envision you prevailing above all. You may make some questionable decision in life, and I’ll admit, they will seem pretty stupid. Kristen, the thing about life is that it still keeps going. Whatever decisions that you will decide to make, I can honestly say that you will have learned from them. You wouldn’t have been able to say you’ve done anything in life without decision-making, so don’t ever second guess your choices. FYI: You always have another option and another chance to make it right if you’re not satisfied.

If you ever get to a point in life, that you ever doubt your qualities, what you are capable, your existence and why you are here… ANY of those things. This letter is to remind you of your worth. If life was made to be easy, then there would be no lessons that needed to be learned. No one knows why things happen the way that they do, but God. I know that you were raised not to question God’s work or his plan. Only thing that you can do is keep pushing. Never give up. Smile in all of your troubles and remain positive. Rough patches may come and go, but they never last always. You will grow and shape up to be a fantastic, phenomenal woman. DO NOT EVER question that.

So much for lecturing, I just wanted to send a reminder to let you know that if you’ve made it this far, you can make it further. Enjoy your 24th birthday, from what I hear? You’re going to have an amazing birthday.

Love,
Kristen (07.10.2000; age 12)

now playing.

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It’s amazing how much your “buzz” dies when you have rid yourself free of hatred and drama. You no longer are considered the “lead actor/actress” and now? You’re washed up and they want to start casting you in supporting actor/actress roles. People get their daily bread by living vicariously through your drama. It’s entertainment for them. You ever paid attention to a conversation that you’ve had with someone, and the attention is never on them? They want to know about how you’re doing, your neighbor, and they’ve gotta tell you all that you’ve missed over the weekend.

When something new is playing in theaters, and the film just happens to be a drama film, all of a sudden people want front row seats and 3D glasses. They’ve been waiting for you to finish production for quite some time now, and I guarantee they’d be there on opening night. Don’t forget popcorn, milk duds in hand, along with a few of their friends to see what you’re broadcasting for the world to see. (C’mon, people are afraid of what would happen if they go to the movies alone, girl.) What happens next? They rant and rave, tell every one how “great” the movie was and how they should go see it. Your name is in lights, but is it really for the right reason?

So, what do you do next? You stop requesting drama roles, and ask for something more subtle. Comedy. Romance. Biopic. People find out you’re in the film, and they’re kind of hesitant at first, but they figure, you can play any role. You did such a great job portraying a character in that drama film, so…what the heck. Results? Your critics aren’t feeling you anymore. “You’ve changed” and “she’s a sell-out”, let’s not forget “she’s happy, now. she’s boring”.

People love to see you make an ass out of yourself. The moment you’ve recovered and saved your face from a disaster, they no longer give a fuck.

Happiness doesn’t equate to boring. You can’t condemn someone, because they’ve decided to quit being miserable with you. If Misery Loves Company is the name of the production, from what I hear, there are plenty of other actresses that may be interested. This particular one does not need the publicity anymore.

Friend. Family. Love.

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Image

Beyonce Giselle Knowles-Carter. The Queen Bey. Whatever you want to refer to her as, just as long as respect is given. This woman is not only an inspiration to me, but a BFF (in my head) . Every thing this woman does, she believes in, 100%. A woman that constantly ventures out and boldly tries new things, goes to new limits is so inspirational and motivational all in the same breath

I am so happy to have her apart of my generation. She’s phenomenal, sensational, and I’m so glad to have her as my sister. You mad?

 

All I Want to Know…

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A serious thought process, for a simple question. Some people make the simplest things in life, the most complicated. If you can even answer this question with a yes or a no, you’re already ahead of probably, 50% of the American population. (‘I Don’t Know’ is a more common response, Ripley’s!)

I just wanted to share this because everyone deserves happiness. EVERY one. Even though there are quite a few people that I’m not too fond of, I wish them happiness anyway. You should be able to have joy in whatever it is that you do. Whether it’s staying employed, being married, traveling, twisting doobies, burying yourself into your career, being a fabulous parent, or the next Sweet Brown. Happiness is attainable.

Complete happiness, though? Follow the chart and see.

Found: Love. In a Hopeless Place.

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I think the last time I looked down on the smell/sight of smoke was when I was sixteen or seventeen years old. I could sit here and play “shoulda, woulda, coulda” all damn night, and would get nowhere. I’m not going to go on and on about how smoking is bad for you, because truth be told, it’s not actually bad for you in certain aspects of your being. Health wise? Yes. It would be bad for lungs and whatever respiratory organs you need to breathe and function healthily. My smoking actually was recreational, in the beginning. It turned into a problem after I started to rely on it to get me through hardships in my life. It was the great escape because I knew that I would feel good, and I’ll figure out a resolution to my problem when I started getting “sick” again. It actually became a problem when I started saying, “oh. I’m sick again. let me re-up.” I kept procrastinating. Problems never got solved, fully.

Well, now that I am actually “problem” free (I guess), I’m stuck with this habit. The relief I turned to? I became addicted to it. Or should I say I still am? Being free of smoke for seven days would make me still classified as an addict, right? Sobriety begins when you can actually say positive things about your situation. If you leave the door open for doubt, you are subjecting yourself to a relapse. Positivity is correlated to longevity, coincidentally. All I know is, I’ve learned how to cope with problem solving. So, I know I can cope with not smoking.

Oh. Surgeon General says, “this life lesson is not subjective to just smoking”.

Let’s Do It Again.

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Well, I never planned to abandon my former blog, kickthebeehive.com, but it was probably for the best anyway. That blog was created out of a place in my life where I wasn’t fully together. I was on a journey, but I’ll admit. Reading those old blog posts made me happy and relieved to be delivered from the drama in my former life. That is why I’ve decided to create a link that will allow you guys and myself, to read the old posts from this blog.

I decided to start over with swarmingblind.com, because I didn’t want to pick up where I left off on my other blog. I actually missed writing. I believe that somewhere, I stopped writing for myself and started writing for the entertainment of others. It wasn’t really enjoyable for me anymore. So, I quit, until I could figure out “where” exactly I wanted to go. You can’t continue fixing on the car, if you never bought all of the pieces and parts to get it back running. I actually didn’t even want the car, anymore. Not to fret none…

Swarmingblind.com is paid for, in full from the car lot. This is my new baby, and abandonment is not even an option. A new baby/project, that I plan to truly invest in. So, she’s pretty small now. For now.

-TIPs voice- KIIIIIING’S back.

(There will be a special section on the right of the blog dedicated to all of my old blog posts.)